Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
