she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize