I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
