This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
