a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
