I look better un-naked...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
