chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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