How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
