I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
