You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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