She's JV to your varsity
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
