It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
