My pussy is not your playground.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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