this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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