Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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