She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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