remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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