'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
