we're chasing vodka with high fives
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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