Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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