in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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