Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
