the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
