I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES