It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.