i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation