You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.