i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
