Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
