Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
