I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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