Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
