Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
