The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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