More tranny stories later!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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