you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
