Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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