oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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