every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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