Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The Olympian is in my bed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
