I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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