Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
