I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
