literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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