Need sex. Gaining weight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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