five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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