just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize