Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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