Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
