I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
