Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BRING THE BAGELS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
