kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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