NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
