what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
