shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
