No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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