Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
