his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
