i think my mom watched the whole time
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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