What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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