I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how drunk are you?
Several
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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