If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
