I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize