I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
