I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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