puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
