i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
