when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
