I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
