Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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