Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
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