dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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