its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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